Verbal Self-Defense Dojo
Get off the spot, reclaim your voice and take back the power that was always yours.
Ever found yourself totally paralyzed by a single comment, question or assumption?
"Why don’t you have children?"
“You look so hot when you’re angry.”
"Wow, I was joking. Why are you so sensitive?"
You know this moment. We all know this moment.
It’s the Freeze.
The Freeze renders us speechless. Suddenly submissive. And it limits the profound potential of women’s influence in the world.
Women are often told to “stand in our power” and “use our voice”. But before we can do any of that, we must first learn to break the Freeze.
Verbal Self-Defense Dojo is the first and only course to specifically tackle the Freeze and retrain the socially conditioned behavior that keeps women from accessing their full power and agency.
When we’re challenged, undermined or harassed, our autoresponse is to freeze: to go silent. Shut down.
Some women don’t freeze when the stakes are high but freeze in the most innocuous of situations. Some find themselves speechless, powerless mere moments after they felt invincible. Some get talked over and ignored, wondering if they’ve said something stupid or embarrassing.
But the Freeze is NOT your own personal weakness. It’s a social hangover caused by millennia of Good Girl conditioning.
And the good news is, whether it happens at work, over the dinner table, or on a Zoom call: You can break the Freeze and get your power back.
Verbal Self-Defense Victories
Recent students have had huge victories using the Verbal Self-Defense Dojo to break the Freeze and access their power:
C refused to acquiesce in a high-stakes medical situation, keeping her attention out and standing her ground until she got the tests and answers she wanted.
L got her belligerent boss to back off one of her pet projects by turning the spotlight on him in their 1:1.
K was able to stand up for herself when being taken advantage of by a spiritual teacher.
T batted away a man’s intrusive and inappropriate questions on an online first date, leaving him rather than her squirming with regret.
More Student Victories
Bullying. Bulldozing. Dismissing. Minimizing:
Learn how to play when you don’t know what to say.
This is not a physical self-defense class. This course will teach you verbal self-defense for the moments you find yourself under sudden attack, pinned, put on the spot and shut down by someone’s words.
The common theme in these scenarios is dominant versus submissive states of attention.
And when we’re able to quickly identify these states, they lose their power over us. At The Academy, we call this making the invisible visible.
Verbal Self-Defense Dojo is the first and only course to teach women how to get into the dominant state of attention without appearing aggressive or shutting down.
Learn to fight back with powerful tools to switch the dynamic and re-establish a dominant state of power in everything from job interviews to family conflicts.
Over 2400 women worldwide have trained with us so far, using the Dojo tools to break the Freeze and access their power.
Is this course right for me?
Have you ever...
…Been left feeling small or unsafe due to a sexually suggestive comment, but dismissed it because you weren’t completely sure of the intentions behind it?
…Entered a conversation wanting an apology, only to wind up apologizing yourself?
…Psyched yourself up to ask for something you wanted, but walked away with something entirely different?
…Expressed an idea, only to find yourself totally talked over and ignored... Before someone else casually took credit for it moments later.
These scenarios all follow similar communication patterns that can render a woman totally speechless.
Poof!
Voice… gone.
Power… gone.
Agency… gone.
And we see them time and time again in our classes.
The Verbal Self-Defense Dojo trains you to get off the spot, flip the attention and find your voice when you need it most.
Learning to break the Freeze isn’t just about avoiding bad things. It's about the beautiful things that never happen.
The brilliant ideas... never shared.
The life-changing conversations... never had.
The innovation of half the world's population… lost.
Hell no! We can’t have that!
Simply telling women to use our voices for collective power and influence isn’t enough.
Because it overlooks the tools we need to equip ourselves with first. To play powerfully with possibility, we first need to learn to play defense.
And these are the tools we teach in this course.
Throughout centuries, women have been deliberately trained to give away their power.
Now is the time for us to take it back.
It starts with liberating our voices. It starts with breaking the Freeze.
Break the Freeze, reclaim your voice and use it for good in the world.
In this practical, self-paced online training, you'll learn to…
GET YOURSELF OFF THE SPOT
Women have been conditioned to freeze or shut down at the very moments that are most crucial to our self-preservation. Learn the shockingly simple way we teach our students to end that pattern. Forever.
HANDLE UNCOMFORTABLE QUESTIONS POWERFULLY
Stop answering questions you should never be asked in the first place! Gain tools to smoothly deflect or reject those inappropriate questions and keep your power in a difficult conversation.
CUT THROUGH AMBIGUITY
Are you dealing with an aggressor or simply a klutz? Our strategies teach you to discern the intent behind an uncomfortable question or statement and deal with it accordingly. Simply identifying the dynamic at play is a powerful first step in reasserting yourself.
RESPOND WITH THE RIGHT INTENSITY
Never bring a knife to a gunfight. Know how to modulate the intensity of your response based on the intensity of the challenge or attack, so you’ll never get called ‘crazy’ for simply standing up for yourself.
FLIP THE POWER DYNAMIC
Learn techniques to free yourself from uncomfortable or inappropriate situations and get back on top. This is the first and only course to teach women how to get into the dominant state of attention without appearing aggressive, acquiescing or shutting down.
These simple but potent techniques can be used in countless ways. From boardroom meetings to family conflicts, dating and everyday micro-aggressions, use them to get off the spot in any communication where you feel powerless.
What’s included in the course?
17 pre-recorded videos (2.5 hours of video)
Warm-up rounds and practice drills for each of the three tools
27-page workbook
Nobody else is teaching these three simple but incredibly powerful techniques to yield true power in any exchange.
But we are
Tool 1: Turning the Spotlight
In turning the spotlight, you put your attention out. You get out of the Freeze state and get back on top, even if for just a moment, so you can plan your next move. In this module, learn and practice this simple tool in real-time using simulated Freeze situations.
Tool 2: Calibration
Now that you know how to flip a power dynamic and break the freeze, you can learn how to calibrate your response in each situation to create a different effect. Be assertive without being aggressive and move into a post-Freeze position of effective leadership.
Tool 3: Location
Are they deliberately trying to cause harm or are they just communicating clumsily and ineffectively? Location is a powerful tool to clarify ambiguous communication so you can make your next move. Clarifying the intent of your ‘attacker’ creates an opportunity for connection, not just confrontation.
How do I enroll?
Single Payment: $197
Instant access to all course materials
Lifetime access to the course
All future updates and expansions
Watch Kasia’s TED Talk on how to break the Freeze, reclaim your voice and use it to create a better world.
More student victories
Last time I dated, I was pushed into things I didn’t want, and I wanted to be sure I could protect myself this time — but I didn’t know how. I practised my new Dojo skills on Tinder — and went from a nervous, “So... Do you find this an effective thing to say to women?” to welcoming inappropriate comments, because I could PLAY with them. Now I only answer the questions I want to answer. And I can use those skills everywhere.
When I met my partner, I told him I was hard to offend, and that led to some intense conversations before we even met. That openness was only possible because I knew I could protect myself whenever I wanted to. I am now in the best relationship of my life.
— Anonymous
Something felt off with myself for many years. I used to be a confident little girl yet grew into an uncertain woman, and no amount of self help had shone much of a light on why.
It was so frustrating! I couldn't argue for shit, even when I was right. I was angry all the time, for reasons I couldn't put my finger on. Sometimes I'd feel that confidence come back but I didn't know what triggered it and how to do it all the time.
Since taking the course, I am communicating with my partner, running meetings at work, being a mother...all with the confidence I was trying to summon for years. It’s absolutely worth it.
– A.
I was well aware of my lifelong experiences of the Freeze but I thought it was a "me" thing. I used to be continually faced with business situations in which men said or did inappropriate things, and I froze.
Those experiences eventually led to me leaving the corporate world behind, only to find them happening with my own clients and accountant. I handled them in ways that hurt me.
The tools are allowing me to move forward with more confidence, and I’m also looking backwards with more compassion for my young self. Now I use the skills I learned in the Verbal Self-Defense Dojo and I like it very much because it WORKS.
– T.
I’ve had great opportunities to practice. I was in a meeting with a colleague who can sometimes talk down to me and put me on the spot. As soon as I felt the Freeze coming on, I asked a locating question, then followed up with further questions for clarification.
I realized this person was surprised and even stuttered a bit. Eventually we both left the meeting very clear on what was required AND I felt like I still had my dignity not just intact but reinforced.
The course is immediately practical. It’s given me a level of comfort with conflict that I have never had before. I feel much more prepared to manage difficult conversations and to recognize when a conversation suddenly becomes something else. And all of this without attacking myself for being stupid.
– I.
I always struggled with the freeze, but worse was the slow thawing later – well past the incident – preventing me from moving on with life and keeping me obsessing over what happened.
Now, I can think more clearly on the spot, even when talking with people “higher in authority” in some way. These tools are so pivotal for improving all the relationships you will ever have in your life, and especially the relationship you have with yourself.
I have multiple graduate degrees studying why people do the things they do, but the Verbal Self-Defense Dojo validated things I have rarely discussed in my work yet experienced painfully, like so many others. My experience of the freeze and my avoidance of situations that would cause it would have limited me from reaching a fuller potential in my career and personal life. No more.
– S.
My most poignant Dojo victory was in a deposition with a little b*tch lawyer (representing a predator pedophile who should be rotting in jail) who asked me multiple fluffed questions and I flipped the questions right back onto him.
I felt empowered and almost invincible relaying the truth of my answers and experiences. He was DUMBFOUNDED!!
I’m getting ready to testify in my trial and I cannot wait to finally use my voice. It’s the most practical, mature way to reprogram your brain from our cultural nature of feminine upbringing and default reactivity.
– R.
I have heaps and heaps of Dojo victories. At work. In my family. And best of all... on online dating sites! It’s the ultimate way to practice – you can see it work from a safe distance and fucking play. I have had LOADS of fun.
You can also feel how a message makes you feel when you go into yourself and freeze, then leave it for half an hour .. half a day and Dojo them right back. I can now translate those skills easier into face-to-face interactions, especially with men.
This is so important for women who have been sexually assaulted or in abusive relationships. This work is the answer to women reclaiming control of their lives.
– M.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is Verbal Self-Defense Dojo only for women?
People of all genders can find themselves rendered speechless in the face of inappropriate or shocking comments. However, through our extensive research at The Academy, we’ve found time and time again that women freeze far more than men. While this course was created specifically to help women find their voices instead of freezing in those moments, the skills covered in Verbal Self-Defense Dojo can be used by people of any gender, in a multitude of situations - from job interviews to shutting down cat calls.
Should I wait to take an in-person course instead of purchasing this one?
This course is not just theory. It includes numerous warm-ups and practice drills, allowing you to try out the tools we teach on the spot, in a non-pressurized environment. Verbal Self-Defense Dojo contains the foundational principles of power dynamics, and makes a great companion to any of Kasia’s in-person or live classes. Time and time again, we’ve seen that students who understand these foundational principles integrate the material of other classes faster, easier and share more victories.
Will this course teach me any physical self-defense?
No, this course focuses on powerful communication. It’s important to draw a distinction between freezing in a verbal interaction and freezing in the face of a physical attack. In the Verbal Self-Defense Dojo we provide tools to help our students practice for challenging verbal interactions they already anticipate, such as a workplace negotiation, a difficult family conversation or any communication pattern in which you tend to feel powerless. Become a martial-artist of language with real practice drills and warm-ups.
Do I need to take Verbal Self-Defense Dojo at a specific time?
Nope! This class is delivered asynchronously, which means you can start it whenever you want, at your own pace. We encourage you to repeat it as many times as possible, since practice is essential to the integration of these new skills.
Who can I practice my new skills with?
We strongly encourage all our students to share these techniques far and wide! We even suggest taking the course live with a group, so you can be inspired by each other’s creativity and cheer one another on in expanding your abilities to respond to situations that once might have left you at a loss for words.
How long should it take me to complete the course?
The full course lasts about four hours. You’ll have lifetime access to Verbal Self-Defense Dojo, so you can break it up according to your schedule. Many of these techniques fly directly in the face of the way we’ve been conditioned to respond to challenging social situations, so we encourage you to keep practising until they become second nature.
Can I teach these tools to my friends?
Please, please, talk to your friends about these tools. Our deepest desire is to have as many people as possible learn how to communicate clearly, and how to stop being frozen when we’re caught off guard. Imagine a world in which every woman is able to advocate for herself in the moment.
Cool! So can I share my login info with friends?
We’ve put a lot of time, thought and care into the Verbal Self-Defense Dojo, and we’re charging for it because we believe it has value for life. We ask that you respect the effort that went into the course and do not share it without permission.
What if I still have questions?
Send us an email and someone from our team will be in touch shortly.